I’m getting tired of a life controlled by numbers. I’ve never liked numbers, I was always a words girl, but now I’m at a place where every part of my existence seems to revolve around numbers.
How much do I weigh?
What size am I today?
How much money did we make today?
What time is it – how much time do I have before I go to work? Finish work? Have to go back to work?
How many calories is that?
How old are you?
Am I that old?
How much change should I be giving?
How much did I spend today?
How many likes did I get?
How many followers do I have?
How many steps did I do today?
How many miles can I run?
How many votes did they get?
How many words do I have to write?
How many marks did I get?
How many hours did I work this week?
I’m not made for this world of numbers. They’re getting in my head, and they’re not nearly as pretty as words, but yet they seem to mean more.
It’s kind of like words are losing their meanings, but numbers are gaining so much more. Someone can say I’m beautiful, but looking at that number on the scale, or that size in the dress I just bought, ascending numbers, 10, 12 ,14, seems to knock that away.
Someone can say that I took a lovely picture, that I captured it well, or the actual image could mean something to me, but the number of likes seems to matter more. Those nameless people double tapping their screens out of boredom makes my mood better than one person’s honest, thoughtful opinion. It’s sad. It’s kind of like we’re losing our language, not just to words like ‘lol’ and ‘selfie,’ but to a world of numbers and measurements. Where everything’s already been done, so it’s just an endless competition of comparing and measuring against other people.
I have the prime bad habit of constantly comparing myself to other people. To their hair, their bodies, their clothes, their success, their happiness, and yet there are a million different words to describe a million different characteristics, and so why do we all get so caught up in trying to measure what can’t be measured?
The media is mostly to blame for creating this new world language, for thousands of articles on how to make yourself more perfect, how to look like a ‘Victoria’s Secret Angel,’ how to be like Beyonce, how to get more followers instantly, how to go from ‘a 4 to a 10.’ But you’re not a number. You’re not a 5, or an 8, or a 10, you’re an infinity. You’re an endless wonder of individuality, you’re unique, you’re astounding, and thousands more. No one should let these words be taken away from them.
This is something I need to work on for myself too, we probably all do, what with the way we live now. But all the numbers that make up your life cannot ever explain or appreciate every part of you. I am going to try and remember that, the next time I concentrate too hard on the size label in a piece of clothing, or the next time my heart sinks because I didn’t quite get as many likes as I wanted. Those things don’t validate me, and they don’t validate you. Only you can do that, and tell yourself that, and other people every day, with words.