Goodbye, January

I’ve never really understood the concept of ‘January blues’ before. It’s always been my birthday month, the going back to uni and all my friends month, and the fact that it went on and on was amazing, because I was a student that didn’t have bills to pay (well, I did, but yay student loan), and I wanted my birthday and that feeling to last forever. As a student doing a course without exams, I just had essays, and I always had essays, that didn’t really make a difference, and even last year, I only remember good things. My first birthday with Scott, I got my promotion and starting earning more money, and at that point I didn’t need as much as I do now (need aha, maybe just want) and I was always prepared for payday.

Then, this year, January has been really hard. I quit my job ( read all about that here) had to struggle through 5 weeks without a payday and felt left without a purpose in life. Christmas is such a big moment in the year and you are working towards it for months, and afterwards there is a big hole in the planning and structure of life. Couple that with being unemployed and not really knowing what job you’re aiming to get, and it can suddenly feel really hard to get through each day. At the moment, I am spending each day trying to force myself to get out of bed at a reasonable hour and waiting for my boyfriend to get home so I can moan about the jobs I have trawled through the applications for and force him out the house with me. I am caught between wanting a job, wanting to earn money and better myself, but also the want to stay in bed all day and rewatch Gossip Girl and Gilmore Girls. My favourite GGs (other than Gigi Hadid ahahaha remind me never to make jokes). Also, for the first time, I have been dreaming of holidays in January, dreaming desperately of moving out into our own space, and finding something worthwhile to dedicate myself to.

Does experiencing January blues finally make you an adult? Is this the descent into adulthood? If so, I am not a fan! I am hoping February will signal a real fresh start for me, but as this is now being published on the third day rather than the first, I can already say it hasn’t gone so well so far.

Is there ever a moment when everything starts to make sense, or is life just a series of confusing moments one after each other? I hope I won’t be saying goodbye to every month in this fashion, but January has definitely been the Monday of the year. The longest Monday after a long week when you’re slightly hungover but don’t want to admit it to anyone.

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